Stop asking me to join your NING website just because you saw 50 and USDA doing it big. I don't have time for MySpace, so why would I have time for YOUR social networking site? If you are not as big as 50 and USDA, NO ONE CARES! Read that again.
Stop hitting me up with requests to join Hi-5, Tagged, Plaxo, FaceBook and the myriad of other time wasters that exist on-line. You call it business networking-- I say if you want to ask me for a favor do some work and get my fucking email address like everyone else. I have a job. Those sites are a waste of my time. If we didn't keep in touch over the past 16 years I have been in the industry, there is a reason for it. I do not need your "blast from the past" email. If I wanted to be introduced to new people through people I don't respect, I'd go to more industry functions.
Stop calling me and asking me to put your artist on. If I had it like that don't you think all of MY artists would be on? Idiot. In the time you spent emailing me, you could have spent researching what it is that I do, and actually asking me something that wouldn't make you look stupid.
Stop emailing me AFTER I tell you I can't help you, as if I am blocking your access to the industry. If I could have helped you I would have. But keep my number because you WILL get raped by someone you call with that same stupid request--talk to ya in about 3 years when you need out of your fuck-boy contract you signed without reading.
Stop handing me demo CDs after I speak at conferences. If you listened to me speak, you heard me say that I have never seen anyone get a good deal from handing a demo to someone. So why would you then hand me a demo? Are you stupid or did you just not listen? Either quality is not one I'd want to do business with, so you are fucked in the gate right there.
Stop approaching me by telling me you are better than anyone I have ever worked with before. Did it ever cross your mind that maybe I like my clients and by dissing them you are offending me? Duh... I only work with the folks I believe in--except one time, and that went REALLY poorly. Never again.
Stop jumping into this industry without learning as much as you can about it first. Did you ever stop to think that I set up free websites to educate artists, so when you sound ignorant, you are offending me? Why not just introduce yourself by slapping me? Same shit...
Stop being so desperate and saying you just want a deal, any deal, and you are willing to sign to some bullshit to get on. I run an organization to protect artists' rights. You are looking REAL stupid to me, right about now. If I ran an anti-violence organization would you promise to beat someone up to get on? Dope.
Stop using gimmicks to get on. Do NOT call me name dropping. I do not care who is your brother, sister, cousin, nephew, uncle, or neighbor. If you had value, they would have already signed you and jerked the shit out of you. This phone call would then be taking on an entirely different direction. Have you done a reality show and think that entitles you to something big in this industry? Hang up now before I hurt your feelings. All a reality show is good for is to kill your credibility and show the entire world what a buffoon you really are. Reality shows are great for has-beens who have no other way to attract attention anymore. If you are lucky, you'll get your Flavor Flav 15 minutes of fame again, and hopefully be smart enough this time around to bank the loot instead of using it to stay high like you did in the 80s, or 90s. By the way, American Idol is a gimmick, too. I don't care if you were the 5th runner up to the last audition in Tiny Town, USA. It's a gimmick. No one cares. Only the winners of the actual show sell records, because they've had 16 weeks of their annoying faces shoved down stupid viewer's throats. And they get jerked out of the bulk of their money by signing to the idol maker's production company, so how is that a plus again?
Stop thinking that because we were friends years ago that I owe you something today. We fell out of touch for a reason. Probably because you assumed too much back then about what was owed you...like you do now. Fuck off.
Stop assuming you know what I do and asking me for shit I can't deliver. It's a waste of both of our time, and all it does is make me block your email and phone number. My cell phone has over 100 entries that say "Asshole." Do you really think I pick any of those calls up? I'd much rather pick up a blocked call and deal with a new asshole than one who has already pissed me off before. (No, I don't pick up blocked calls--I am making a point).
Stop doing stupid stuff that makes me vent on my Blog. Nobody wants to read this shit! And I sure as hell don't want to write it. I have work to do....
